Before his case came to trial, Chris was offered a plea bargain which would reduce the assault charge and therefore his jail time, in return for his pleading guilty to possession of child pornography for having the Jock Sturges books.  Such a plea would have required him to register as a sex offender for up to 10 years and attend a sex-offender class.  His lawyer told him that the prosecutor had little chance of obtaining a conviction on the pornography charge, but accepting the plea bargain would avoid a trial in which his sexuality would become public knowledge.  Therefore, Chris accepted the plea bargain. 

The judge refused to accept a guilty plea on the pornography charge, and deferred it on condition that Chris obey the terms of his probation for the assault conviction.  He was released from jail, and began attending a much desired support group for recovering alcoholics.

In spite of the judge's ruling, the terms of Chris's probation still required him to register as a sex offender and attend the weekly 4-hour class for an indefinite time--until it was determined that his sexuality was effectively treated.  His probation officer said that he did not believe any 9 to 13 year old boys in town were safe as long as Chris was out of jail.  At the first class, the leader of the session told Chris that although he had not been convicted of a sex crime, he was an offender against society because of his feelings, and she would do everything in her power to change them.

In the meantime, Chris asked me to send him some research into sexual attraction to minors that I had been collecting and summarizing over the past several months.  This research had been conducted by sexologists and other members of the mental health community specializing in this area, including Ray Blanchard, Glenn Wilson, Jay Feierman, John Money, Thomas Oellerich, Ralph Underwager, and Bruce Rind.  Chris was also able to meet with a therapist apart from the criminal justice system.  After this meeting, reading the research I had sent him, and attending three weeks of sex-offender classes, Chris wrote the following:

I have no idea whether or not I will be in jail this week sometime, but it looks like I might.  And if I am, I will be put in jail for my beliefs.  They can say that it is because I have not been performing satisfactorily in the class, but it is not my performance that is in question.  I have been polite and not even argumentative.  These people simply do not agree with my ideas and beliefs--nor do I agree with theirs.

I decided a few years ago that I would be truthful (at least to myself) about my sexuality.  Of course, I had never planned on being "outed" the way I was.  But, now I am out to quite a few people, some of whom I still wish I weren't.  And now I am out to a whole class full of people. 

I cannot possibly try to push aside what I know is the truth.  I know that a person cannot just change their sexual orientation.  I know that some have, but these are the rare exception--not the rule.  I know that sexual thoughts do not normally lead to a person carrying them out.  (I learned that from the Kinsey Report).  I know that, normally, sexual variants do not experience their sexuality any more strongly than do heterosexuals. And above all, I know that any person can be accepted by God and is certainly loved by him.

All these things have been refuted by these people.  And when I ask for their "proof"--their scientific text or studies, they have none.  And it seems like they do not believe they should have to.  When I produce my source of information, the lead "shrink" tells me to put it away and never to bring it back again.  She even told me I should probably be prohibited from any reading of scientific material--even the Kinsey Institute report.  The people in the group just cannot believe that, with the help of the Lord, I am celibate.  What they are doing goes against everything I hold dear about finding out truth and about my faith in God.  I am starting to feel like a character in George Orwell's 1984.

I just got back from a new psychiatrist.  I confided in her about what has been happening with this class.  I showed her the material I have and she seemed impressed.  I think I like this person--she listens to me, and she likes the fact that I have other Christian BL friends.  She agrees with me, but because the class is court-ordered, I don't think there is much she can do for me about it.

The way I see it, it can be easier and more comfortable for heterosexuals to believe in myths and un-truths about us because these myths and un-truths are very popular--albeit wrong.  It's much easier to "go along with the crowd."  But now that I know a lot more about how "round the earth is," I cannot, in all good conscience, even pretend to agree with the "flat earth society."  For me, it would go against that which I hold most dear--my faith in God.