I always seem to do things differently anyway, so, I'll just do what I do best.

Understand though, that end of this post, I am not saying it's a smart idea to end your life.

But so far every statement from your post I have read is logical.
It sucks. And I couldn't even begin to tell you; that I understand.

All I know is, I'm attracted to other guys my age, and it can be pretty bad at times. so in all reality, I'm not going to say I know what your going through.

But I still think you should hang in there. If I could teleport to you instantly, I would, and I would hug you.

The world is a fucked up place. And it always makes people feel like crap.
But that's not really an excuse of sorts. just a fun fact I guess.

But, you asked, why is it so hard to die?
I guess that would be because you aren't done living yet.

Think about pieces of a puzzle.
The pieces of the puzzle so far are the days of your life, now, like a child, you could mash the piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit, and eventually, it will fit. But I suggest this, eventually, you will get to use that peace, eventually, you will die, and your pain will end. But think about all those pieces you still have yet to use.

I know it's corny, but think about it.

I hope to see you alive and well.