why are you so afraid of having a sexuality?

It is a part of the human experience enjoy it, there is no need to try so hard to suppress it. That will only lead to more emotional distress.

I am NOT afraid of having a sexuality! However, I believe my sexual attraction to boys is contrary to God's design, so I choose to not encourage that aspect of my nature. Whatever I can do to loosen the grip that has on my life, I will do -- while at the same time encouraging the healthy aspects of my sexuality.

It seems, by your argument, I should celebrate my sexual attraction to boys. But, since I am committed to never acting out sexually with a boy, that would be a path of despair and frustration. I'll celebrate the fact that I am sexual -- yes! [It's a great gift from God!] But, I'm not naive enough to think that every aspect of my sexuality is perfect. To use your term, I choose to suppress that which, I believe, should be suppressed.

That being said, what I'm doing is NOT truly "suppressing". Suppressing is often unhealthy, because it does not get to any root issues. It does not address any of the underlying reasons (for whatever is being suppressed) -- it is simply an attempt to cover up something (only to have it surface again at a later stage). My desire to experience non-sexual nudity with others is an attempt to gain a more healthy perspective on nudity, not an attempt to suppress anything. At the root of much of my sexual attraction to boys is, I believe, a general fascination with boys and boyhood in general. The more I can supply that root need (the fascination) in healthy ways, the less likely I will see that need play out in unhealthy ways. [Others may disagree with me, but that's how I see it.]

Blessings,
Rainboy