Somehow your background seems to have (ex-)catholicized you to quite a remarkable degree. You believe, reject, and therefore violently disbelieve, in eternal hellfire. You do experience, and, in reaction to that, strongly reject, deep shame about your sexuality. It's one of the great memorable lines I ever heard on television, actually: "Jews have guilt; Catholics have SHAME."

Perhaps we can convert you to protestantism. Sexuality is for communicating love and experiencing pleasure, shared or alone, not just for making babies. Yes, many abuses can occur; many wrong turns can be taken. You can be ashamed of hurting others or yourself if have done so, but as for your sexuality itself, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.