Somehow, I think I can learn something from all that you have said here;
And it is because in my view, the biblical case of homosexuality is clear.
Both in the Law, and in the accounts of it, from Genesis to this day.
You have said:

"So what it boils down to is: does the bible give a really clumsy, completely inaccurate account of homosexuality and then condemn it, or does it condemn something that it accurately describes?"

Since there IS a REAL ISSUE on this question: I do hope to address it that I may better understand the point you are making.

btw= Do you see the account of Noah's nakeness as the beginning of what is now considered by me as the beginning of such acts or behavior?