Hi Unique,

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time at the moment, and I wish I had something encouraging to say that would make it all better, but I don't. Still, I would like to make a comment on something you said:

Did God do this out of cruelty ? Or is it all a test to see how we would cope living with such different feelings that make life difficult for most of us.

My answer to those questions is: neither. I risk getting into an argument here about semantics (e.g. if He didn't stop it, it's the same as choosing it), but I'll go ahead anyway. I don't believe God specifically chose for either of us -- or anyone on this board -- I become BLs. I just believe it happened (as a result of us living in a fallen, broken world); that He allowed it to happen; and that He promised to be there for us and help us deal with whatever trails and tribulations we will face. But I DON'T believe He specifically chose for you and me to be afflicted with these attractions any more than he chose for somebody to be born with a horrible deformity, or for a child to be born into an abusive family situation. He could, in theory, stop all of those bad things, but His wisdom is greater than anything we can come up with. Somehow we just need to trust Him to help us face all the messed up and painful things life (NOT God!) throws at us.

Well, that's my view.

Blessings,
Rainboy