What is the purpose of experiencing the difficulties of being who we are ?

Did God do this out of cruelty ? Or is it all a test to see how we would cope living with such different feelings that make life difficult for most of us.

Even if it is a test it seems to be a very hurtful and cruel one, the fact that it toys with such delicate emotions and feelings that are connected directly to the heart and soul. It seems like the ultimate punishment, one that tears you up from the inside unlike the trials of the normal world.

Isn't love supposed to be a great gift to the universe ? something so pure that people of the world announce openly and rejoice, love is marketed, adverstised, celebrated openly to bring couples together yet the twisted version we have seems painful, its condemned, punished and wrapped in shame. The allknowing God knew that BL's would be differently accepted by society, and that the people who were created with such feelings would suffer deeply, then why did he do this to us?

Some of you will say Jesus suffered for our sins and recite versus from the bible but cmon guys theres different types of pain and suffering but one that uses love to cause such feeling sof isolations, loneliness, dispair and pain feels extremely vicious, unfair and so very cruel. Why couldnt it have been something else, why did God have to use something so beautiful to torture us with. I realise there are many of you who are content and at peace with your lives but there would have been a time you would have gone through the things Im going through right now and even the fact that you all still live your lives in secrecy never being able to publicly announce your feelings or never being able to live the life your hearts desires to its fullest with full public acceptance and approval from god, society and your own values is the condeming and painful enough in itself and please dont deny it.

Im having an extremly difficult time coping lately and I dont understand why would god give me such heavy weight I cant carry, does god take pleasure in my pain, dosent god want me to enjoy this beautiful amazing world he created, and by enjoy I dont mean being with boys, just simply being able to enjoy everything this beautiful earth and life has to offer, beacuse with this massive hole in my heart I am unable to enjoy life no matter how hard I try, I can only see the amazing world around me, the beautiful sun, the sky, the environment but I cant feel any of it, its like looking out from a window in hell and seeng the beauty of heaven in the distance. The more I see this beauty the more I hurt inside, so I lock myself in my house for months trying to forget what Im missing out on, is this how god wanted me to live my life and if God knew I was going to be crushed under this burden then why didnt he bless me with morally and socially accepted feelings and allow me to enjoy life, love and this earth as one of the many people?