It's not so much that they made me believe that I am what they thought and said that I was...a potentially dangerous pedophile. I know that I am not that, nor will I ever be that. I have always known this in my heart and always will. What they did was convince me that the whole of society, especially the powers that be, are convinced that I am monster and that I will always be a monster in thier eyes. Have you ever read George Orwell's "1984"? Beleive me, that novel came to life for me when I was going through that program. Those people would sit there and tell you that you are a child rapist, and that you have probably raped hundreds of kids. You can tell them that they are full of it and that you had never, WOULD never, COULD never do such a thing until your face is blue, but in the end it is thier word against yours and they always get to be the winner in every argument or disagreement. And do you know why they get to be the winner? Because THEY are the one's who determine when you can finally be released from the program. You can literally be in it for years and years if you refuse to go along with whatever they want. OR they can have you put away in a mental institution or thrown in prison for non-complience. They make this quite clear from the first day you walk through the door and they keep making it clear every time you come back.

They told me that because statistics said that the "average pedophile" (whatever THAT is...) has sex with hundreds of kids in his lifetime, I surely did too. I could tell them that I was a Christian (they laughed at that!) and that I was commited to celebacy (they howled with laughter at that!) and it would have absolutely no impact on what they believed whatsoever. Believe me, Cat, I tried! I was SO fortunate that I was finally able to go to a good Psyclogist outside of thier circle of influence, and that was allowed to take the place of thier program for me. I believe it was God who intervened for me.