the answer is nothing has to be anything. YOU CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY.

first of all just because ur a bl doesnt mean ur handicapped for life. really. what you experience is common to a lot of people, especially young people, who are just lost and unfulfilled.

the thing is though there are many things in life to explore and many that are meaningful and will give u that fulfillment. only you can know what that is and since u might not know what it is till you find it, you may have to do quite a bit of exploring. it takes courage and effort but the alternative is to remain in your present state.

it seems to me that you have quite an analytical mind. that is good for many things but it cannot solve everything. there are things that analysis and logic cannot solve and you should look to explore the irrational, the illogical, things that require faith...it might bring some balance into your life. (and im not suggesting religion at all, being atheist)

i hope this has been at least somewhat helpful. remember, as long as you're alive, there is hope. unless you can positively predict the future, you really dont know what goodies are coming your way.