good questions. I'm not entirely sure what I meant exactly by breaking free. [although yesterday it seemed strangely obvious] I'll think about that one. it would be tempting to say 'self' but that sounds very phoney.
on the giving up boys thing. perhaps its more a question of being able to let go when the time comes? (which it will). it's so easy to get stuck in our grief. sometimes I wonder if we don't live most of our lives in a haze of old griefs (almost like a smog) which stops us seeing things the way they actually are . . . .