Like Cancer
Submitted by Youth?? on 2009-04-6 01:07:01, Monday
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I get it. One day, I'll just have to deal. You know, it's like cancer. Cancer patients, know that one day, the disease will take control. Just like I know, that one day, I'll just have to deal with who I am. I dunno, bad example? Sometimes I'd rather have cancer. I owe it to my mother to tell her what is going on in my life. I think this is where I will start. She deserves an explanation of why I'm so miserable. I haven't officially opened up to her. Guess now is a good of a time as any. Next on the list, I need to see my psychotherapist again. I quit seeing him because I thought I wanted to become 'ungay' which not only is pointless, it's impossible. Third is kind of in the works as we speak, I need more structure in my life. I've officially given up an online game I play to much, and spend alot of my time job searching. Maybe if I have something of my own, maybe I'll gain some independence. The only kind of service - well, before I even get into that, I realize I need God, and God doesn't need perfect people - in fact = he favor imperfect people for a reason. I just feel like.... seriously, I have no other words for it, so I feel like an asshole. There is no reason I should be able to come back to God when I'm ready. The whole concept is silly. The only service I'm good at, and yes, it's going to sound like I don't do a good job at it, but I do. Forgive me if this sounds completely bad, but teens are all I care about. Too young, and they don't understand and never will, get to adults, they're stupid and know it. Teens are stupid and sometimes just don't understand, and im good at talking people through they're crap, telling them when their idiots, and offering advice. But then they're is always that chance... that I'll get distracted by the way one looks.... or smells... and I'm scared, I really am. But I know no other talent when it comes to Jesus, someone has to tell people when their stupid, with the love of Christ. I've been doing it for years now... |
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