My dear brother!

I glen from your posts how much you cling to honouring God and then I read this post and I think..."gosh this confession must have been a big effort for my friend here" and I say, Godbless you for it bro!

But remember this, there is NO CONDEMNATION for us in Christ (Romans 8:1).

God loves you no matter your struggle.
Endure dear one, He won't cast you away.

I also want to adress this post on a practical level.
"Love covers a multitude of sins" 1 Peter 4:8

I find that having a SOMEONE to love helps me deal with my lust.
If I just look at boys in a distant fashion I'm very inclined to be a boyluster.... rather than a boylover. But when I get involved with real boys in my church community... either directly or indirectly (eg: sponsering a child in a poor country and writing letters)... that I have opertunity to practice loving and the passion of loving motivates me to deal more firmly with my lust.

Sure I'm sexually attracted to my yfs. But my love for them makes me want to honour them and helps me to resist the temptation to be a boyluster.

What I'm saying bigcalv is that perhaps you need to foucs your boy energy on a particular boy in a loving way. If you don't feel safe in doing that in a direct 1:1 relationship... look for practical ways to help boys indirectly (fundraise for a teen charity or start intecessory praying for the boys in your church or something).... but get specific boys to love and see if that helps. Remember God is full of mercy and grace.

Also, I think we need to grieve the loss we feel that we can't have a lover that is in harmony with our sexual desire. This is a HUGE loss and I'm sure God cares enough for us that He wants to comfort us in it.

Blessings
Cat.