At the risk of charging in where angels fear to tread....

One of the interesting elements of my life at the moment is that I am sharing my apartment with a guy who probably rates as my current YF - even if he is coming up 28 next month. This reflects in part the history of our friendship - but also that he is struggling with depression; he dropped out of university as a result and more recently - some 18 months ago - got sacked from his job.

The challenge is to know when he's using the depression as an excuse not to do what he doesn't want to, and when he is genuinely struggling. The seriousness of his illness was bought home to me when he disappeared to his mum's house on the weekend when 4 of us had agreed to play Dungeons and Dragons - something he really enjoys. But despite that he ran off....

The reality is that he knows how to twist me round his little finger if he wants something. He is tending to act unreasonably over various issues - e.g. I buy some food or drink and he eats it without asking - and I struggle to challenge him appropriately.

And that's partly because he knows he's more important to me than I am to him - so I don't want to take the risk of messing things up. So I let them drift - and they remain unresolved - and a mess ensues.

What's the wider significance of this? I'm very aware looking back that I've often been in this position with YFs - to the point where some of the things I've agreed to have been illegal. It's a weakness we can easily be subject to - IMHO - because we are emotionally isolated and our YFs come to play too big a role in our otherwise desolate lives. Then things go wrong. The reality is that we owe it to our YFs to treat them properly - and that means expecting them to behave well with us and challenging them when they don't. It's unhealthy to let them bully us - and that is what it is.....

Do others know what I'm talking about?