So here is my connundrum:

My wife objects to me masturbating about boys.
So she has asked me as a sign of my commitment to our marriage to abstain.
However, there has been no sexual action in our marriage yet either... so I'm completely without release and my nuts are getting sore! She's waiting till I've "proved" my commitment a bit longer. 6 months she's said.... I know I won't last that long and I've told her so.

She has this wish that my desire will be for her and not for boys.
I don't believe (short of a miracle) that that is ever going to happen.
Being this sexually frustrated all I can think about is boys! boys! boys!
My head is full of them. So it's not having the effect she desires.

Further, I'm still struggling with being sexually repulsed by her.
I know that if I try and sex her and not think about boys that I'm going to be feeling sick afterwards.

We enjoyed sex alot when I was freely fantasising behind her back. But now that I've confessed that to her and she's said... no more of that... it's not an option to go back to unless I lie to her again... which she's also asked me specifically not to do.

I'm also so horney that if we do get sexual I'm liable to lose my self-control and just think about boys (despite any agreed upon boundaries) so I can get the release my body is screaming for. Is that rape?

So, wanting still to make my marriage work... I'm wondering what on earth I'm supposed to do now with all of this.

Prayers Please guys
Cat.