cont...
Orientation is a non-issue in the bible. This means that to God it is irrelevant. Men can be sexually attracted to all kinds of diverse things from shoes to cows to dressing in women’s clothing. This is not condemned or even discussed in the bible. No promise of healing is offered, no example shown, no demand or instruction is given to achieve it. What matters to God is not what you are attracted to... but what you DO. God accepts any person as valuable regardless of their sexual desires.

Why deny men who are struggling with sexual attractions outside of what is considered “normal” of the benefits of the marriage and family they were designed to enjoy. Why condemn them to a cold and lonely celibacy when The bible makes no such demand.

Just because one is gay does not mean one does not hunger for companionship or parenthood and why should they be denied. Marriage is God’s plan for humanity (and whilst there are exceptions for some) it seems that for most people marriage is the normative path.

Of course some people’s struggle with their sexual desire is such that they would have great difficulty functioning in a marriage ... however, this need not restrict them from pursuing this path. What person does not have significant behaviours and character flaws that are not helpful to married life. It is, in fact, the married state that helps the person to overcome and outgrow these very types of problems. Celibacy may be a necessary option for some who’s struggle is so great as to be destructive to marriage but this would not be the majority.

Of course no one should be forced to marry a person with this kind of struggle in any kind of obligatory way... however, love overcomes all things and it is quite possible for a man and woman to enter into a loving and companionable relationship regardless of the sexual struggles. It is in fact very common in marriage for there to be sexual struggles for many reasons, this is just another variation on the kind of issue any marriage will face. If sex is not the centre of the relationship marital success can be achieved. Many marriages succeed with little or no sexual component (it is not what most people would want, but for some it is quite practical and acceptable).

Many gay people have entered into heterosexual marriage and enjoyed the companionship of their wives and the love of their children. This is the normative biblical path. Young gays need to be encouraged to believe that they two can have successful marriage and family life regardless of their sexuality.

Rikk goes through the usual apologetics regarding those who advocate homosexual marriage, but one thing he says I haven’t heard before is that if it was acceptable to God then He would have regulated it... just as he regulates heterosexual marriage.

Of course all this still leaves some questions unanswered.

How much honesty should there be between married couples when one partner is not attracted to the other?

How does one function sexually with someone one is not aroused by?

But overall I find this material liberating.

It means I can be married and be a boylover at the same time.

It means I don’t need to be healed or made straight to be successful in marriage.

It means I can enjoy my wife and my kids just as I am (the way God loves me).

It gives me a safe and godly place to develop intimacy with another human being (for although I crave it with a boy... he can never provide it for me the way my wife can).

Here is the link to the talks again:
below.

and to find a link to Jonathan Mills book which Rikk refers to look up "love covenant and meaning" on google books.

Hope these reflections where helpful.

Blessings
Cat.






• ( https link ) https://www.the-rockgarden.com/?Talks:Living_Against_the_Grain
[Anonymouse]