"But what are the things I can actually do to make life less painful for myself ?"

stop thinking like a depressed person. u need hope. let me tell u from experience, because i, like many others here, have been where ur at. sometimes we go back to that spot too. but there really is hope and you will be hugged and kissed one day. im not speaking from faith, im speaking from actual experience.

stop using all ur energy on bringing yourself down and use it to think about how you can fulfill your goals.

most people are ignorant fools who dont know sh*t and are selfish beyond belief. don't waste yourself concerning how they think.