This is the first time I've ever talked about this with anyone..
It has got to the point where Im constantly hurting inside. Im stuck with something I hate and that there is no cure for, I feel like I shouldnt exist, an feel like an outcast and that society would just condemn me for simply being born in to this world regardless of what an honest caring, kind and gentle person I am.

I feel so vulnarable, and usure of my rights as a person and if im even allowed to exist in this world, I feel like I need to ask permission from somone if its ok for me to stay in this world as I have an idea about how society feels about people like me. None of it makes sense, How can I be frowned upon for just being me even tho im no threat to anyone, there are people out there who wouldnt think twice to judge me purely based on my feelings of love. I feel like I have stepped into an alternative reality where a cruel joke is beeng played on me.

Ive thought of ways to make my life easier or for some sort of a solution a millions times over but it seems there is none. I only know the things I should not do but I dont know the things I can do to make life livable.

I know the things I refuse to ever take part in, for me they are not an option, everything I am goes against my own morals and values, an I will never imposse my messed up emotions and attractions upon anyone else..ever! I belive it is wrong to infect any innocent person who is still unsure off what they want in life with my disease, I will never cause anyone any uncertainty, hurt or regret other than myself. I will will be alone and suffer untill I die, I wil never know what it feels like to be loved, hugged or kissed. These are the things I know for sure and accept my dark, torterous fate.

But what are the things I can actually do to make life less painful for myself ?