A Poem
Submitted by martin on 2008-08-26 01:09:57, Tuesday
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Here's a poem I wrote in 2000 that could echo some feelings of others here. It's about teenbois in general. Thank God the despair has resolved somewhat since then - all praise to Him. LORELIE (LORELEYE) Oh! how I long to hold you in my arms, To graze forever in your placid, laughing eyes, To caress your silken-soft honeybrown skin, Rake my fervent fingers through your sundrenched hair, Trace the luscious lines of your limpid lips, The exquisite, fine, perfection of your pretty young face Passion for you consumes my very soul — I’m obsessed, possessed, with desperate desire To hold you & have you, absorb you deep into me, Become one with you, eat you & drink you Deep, deep in to the core of my being A fleeting glimpse of you far in the distance, The subtlest scent of your sweet golden voice Mesmerize, fix me, aroused & attentive, Paralysed, raging with deepest desire. Oh, how potent the spell you weave through me, I’m entranced & beguiled by your utter perfection My heart yearns for you, my soul longs for you, Like a parched, thirsty land longs for water. Life feels like it’s not worth living without you, But with you near me, intoxicated I live in a world of a dream come true I feast my eyes on your breathtaking beauty And drink & drink of your youthful grace, Your joy & energy, carefree simplicity Charm & bewitch me into your power I want you, need you, more than anything else In this whole world of sadness, futility, pain And when you are callously ripped away from me I grieve tears of blood as my heart splits apart Devastated I lie paralysed in a stupour Of disbelief, shame, despair, anguish & torture As I gaze at a world of gray on greys, Your iridescence sets my eyes ablaze Igniting fires, intensest desires That cannot be quenched but rage higher & higher Oh how can I bear such intolerable yearning, How long will your matchless beauty keep burning Yet spurning the me that is crying & dying Of fear & rejection just craving connection? I cannot watch TV or set foot outside, Read the paper, a magazine, go for a drive But you coo me, woo me, & seduce me, Rue me, screw me, — & then noose me. How did it ever get to be like this? What fetid cesspit bred this shit? – Once upon a tortured time Lurched an innocent sensitive child, An orphaned bereaved abandoned wee spirit, Exposed & neglected, used & abused, Preyed on by putrid & pervert lust. – I’m: “Fuckin’ Hell”, but it’s Hell fuckin’ me, He’s been doing it well since I was just three How I loathe, detest & hate you, You deceive, delude & rape me You control my every thought & plan & deed, My every waking moment is poisoned by your greed As you lure me with your promises of peace Even when I am surrounded by the ones who really care, You blind me, paralyse me to their love: My eyes seem for you only, You eclipse all those dear to me As you loudly flaunt your bodies, Prostitute your warm brown flesh And sink your vampire fangs into my soul I’m trapped, I’m chained, there’s no way out, I’m drowning in the cesspool of your filth It hurts so much, you hurt me so very very much I RAGE AGAINST YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL EVIL ANGUISH Oh that my eyes were plunged in acid or gouged out dripping But that I’m scared, so scared of the pain, What release & relief – & despair – I’d gain Yet what is worse than the agony Of the torment of your siren bodies . . . . ? |
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