I haven't posted in a very long while.
Nothing happened, just been very busy with life and moving house.
Everything with my YF has been rosy and sensible.

When I first visited this website, my intention was to find myself.
I was confused with my BL feelings, and over time started to have homosexual feelings as well.

Well, I sat down and thought things through.
And I decided that the only way to genuinely progress with myself, was to accept who I was.
So I came out of the closet to close friends and family.

The past few weeks have been the best of my life.
The feeling is amazing.

Coming out has been the solution to all my problems.
Depression, hating myself for my feelings, Relationship with YF, Self Confidence, Social Anxiety.
I lived in a mess, and struggled to find the motivation to leave my room.
Oh it was shit, and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.
And the most amazing thing is; I never thought it would help.

Everything was surreal. It took me a week to actually realize what I did, and another week to realize how I did it.

- My YF
Basically, he knew we had sexual feelings for each other.
And it came as a shock to him.
He's distanced himself from me to avoid looking like he associates with me.
But still always visits and talks to me every night.

The benefits of me coming out, is that now he will make sure he is 100% certain with his feelings if he ever chooses to progress with me.
I can see that in his mind, he's calculating the choices he can make here.
Hes depressed sometimes, and wont tell me why (he usually tells me everything, when hes not saving his own ass lol).
But I know he ultimately make the right decision for himself.

- My Attractions.
I feel myself drifting away from BL feelings, including my YF(s).
Simply, I think that my BL feelings were part of the process of reaching Homosexuality.

Accepting who I was, opened many doors for me.
I notice my feelings changing every day.
Sexual attraction is psychological, because merely 'clicking' and realizing that I was gay, has involuntarily made my attractions shift to the end of the 'scale'.

I still have slight BL attraction, but its only love.
Its very rare now if I find myself sexually attracted.

- Life in general
I know that some here are against homosexuality, and even I was some of my life.
I realize that my life would still be in the pits, and I could even be dead, if I didn't come out.

My last suicide attempt was a week before my birthday.
The closest I ever was to killing myself.
I stood with my heels on a tree branch with a noose around my neck.
I felt as if I had nothing in life to live for.
I hated myself, and I wanted my YF to hate me so that I could overcome my attractions for him.
But even then, I would still be attracted to boys.

And I still don't know what made me get down and drive home.
There is a god, there must be.
And if he didn't want me to be who I am, he would have let me jump that day.

My Stance:
I realize there is conflict on here between Gay & Straight BL.
To douse some potential flames:

- I don't believe in Gay marriage.
Nor do I believe in recognition of Gay couples.
Its obvious that Hetero Couples are the 'right' way of life.
I see homosexuality as a different kind of relationship.

- I don't believe in Gay Adoption.
I think Gay couples are unsuitable to raise children, because society doesn't know what role models a child needs.
Sure, there are straight couples with no clue how to care for a child.
I still wouldn't wish for a child to grow up with gay parents, even if it were socially acceptable.

- Thanks for reading.
I'll post whenever I have to from now on.