Last night as I lay in bed I let myself dream that I flew over to my yf's house and taking the form of a gray cat sat on the end of his bed. I watched him sleeping for a little while then I went and nudged his chin with my forehead (as cats do). He woke up and saw me then opened up his blanket for me to crawl in, which of course I did. There I curled up next to him and we snuggled off to sleep.

~Sigh~

This morning I looked across to my wife laying in the next bed and I admitted no such motivating affections for her. And I really think I'm doing the right thing not to pretend to have them... but it leaves our relationship in a cold place and I don't like that.

I also consider my fantasy in the light of my reality. Here I am dreaming of boy affections I can't have and rejecting the possibility of affections with my wife which are available to me. Of course being content with what I have has to be the best option... I just can't seem to get there.

Blessings
Cat.