Hi, Cat, sorry for delayed response, my (equivalent to) mother-in-law just passed away and I was away for a funeral in another province. Sad event, but I got to meet a bunch of my partner's high school and primary school teachers, even the woman who babysat him when he was 3!

I am sorry if a few of my comments seem to run roughshod over you. It's just that your case is so exceptional - your wife knew about you from the beginning so there was no deception involved - that when I talk about the general case (wife knows nothing) I may omit to mention that possibility. I will try to be punctilious about mentioning your honest approach. The great majority of wives of gay and BL guys know nothing until some years have gone by and things reach a crisis point, by which time a lot of damage has been done.

Some might think that there's a way to sidestep this within the "gay is brokenness" paradigm, but I think that it's an inevitable consequence of it. The mass celibacy of all those people will never be accepted, and anyways, being able to make a go of celibacy is a special gift from God, it's not something everyone can just decide to up and do.

When God's true love among unbroken gay people is being diverted into inappropriate channels, much unnecessary pain will be the result. It can't be otherwise.