I thank you all for your prayers and concerns.

Mostly I am after prayers. Not that I "get the girl" ...though it would be nice (heh)... But just everything turn out to be ok.

Sorry I was a bit incoherent last night, I was running on two days without sleep because I was too upset. Reading back over it, you can really see my anguish I guess. I apologize again if it upset anyone.

Verified her age? She showed me her old passport from when she was a minor and it had her birthdate on it. As for the abuse, I have seen her eyes as she talked to me about it as she tried to hide her tears. I have heard her voice, and I have seen how she hides her bruises. I have also seen her dad make as if to hit her with the back of his hand and she cringed before turning off the camera for about 10 mins.

Everything about her screams that she is telling the truth. Plus I am friends with another of her internet friends and while he talks about her dad being a prick to her, he has no clue what's going on. If she were just making up the story, it would be spread out more.

But yes. I am going to be careful. But it is a decision that I made that I am sticking with.

The reason I want to go IS because of her, yes. I admit it. I would be a damned fool not to want that... But I do want to help her, no matter the cost to me. That is what friends are for. Sure, I may love her, or think I love her, but friends make sacrifices for each other.

Besides, I know what she is going through isn't going to be for a rosy relationship. That is why I am going first and foremost as her friend. Even if she were to throw herself at me sexually, I know it would just harm her and us in the long run. I wouldn't do it. I am hoping tho, as she heals, it will turn into something more permanent.

I don't know what I am going to do once I get there. Right now, I just have to concentrate on getting the passport and raising the funds to stay for a while. Luckily I have other friends who may let me hang out for a bit.

The first thing I want to do tho, is have a long, face to face talk. And hold her, if she will let me. From there, we will both plan together, what should happen next.

I have to do this, for my own sanity. I have let too much slide, and I have many sins of my own. But I cannot let this pass and call myself anything but a coward and a false friend.

Besides, the very worse thing that could happen to me if it was an act? I get felled by a well conceived lie and am out a couple thousand dollars and she learns just how much a lie can hurt someone. That isn't all that big of a loss really. I have been hurt much harder.

But on the upside, I can know again that I am true to the person I think I should be. Plus I get to see the castles of England and the many friends that I have had for years and never thought I would get a chance to see.

Sure it is a gamble. Love always is. But I am willing to take that risk as both a friend and hopefully future lover. I have had years of unhappiness because I was always too afraid to take any chances. This time the stakes are too high for me to simply pull out. I'm in, even though I know the pair of 8's that I hold aren't that great a hand.

yet... I have to hope.

So I ask you to continue praying that God show His hand in this. Truly it is not what I want, but what He wants. Me, I will just silently pray that the pair of 8's be turned sideways to infinity. ;)