I know you are committed to your marriage and that you got into it knowingly and responsibly as an adult... and yet... somehow things have developed so that your psychological situation is very similar to one of those young boys who is talked into having sexual activity with a pedophile who is a persuasive (http://cblf.org/messages/52979.htm) -- the sexual action is done with nominal consent, and yet it goes more against the grain than with, and one does it out of a sort of obligation, though by no means one that arises from necessity.

As a responsible and committed, consenting adult, you cannot be being child-abused, and yet.

Besides knowing what your vows were, your wife does also know full well what you like and dislike.