Cat, I'm not sure how much of this will be just *duh* statements, but here goes:

I think it's not so much your attraction to boys that causes your wife grief; it's simply your attraction to *anyone* besides her that causes the pain. One of THE MOST important things to a woman is exclusivity. If you were purely straight but had feelings for another woman your wife would feel exactly as she does now. Your wife wants to feel/know that she is exclusive to you and none other. This is "normal" for women. It is the norm for a woman to "forget about every other guy in the world" when she gets married, while the average guy struggles to keep his mind from wandering with just about any other girls he sees.

God can do *anything* He pleases. He can change and heal your soul just as easily (read: instantly) as He healed the bodies of those He healed when He walked the earth over 2000 years ago. The disheartening mystery is why He choses not to. You cannot change your attractions yourself. I can pretend that I like liver and onions. I can begin a program to "learn" to like them. I may even reach the point of being able to stomach them, but I will never like them. And even if I got close to liking them, the massive effort it took to arrive there would temper the joy. I can also pretend that I do NOT like chocolate. I can refuse to eat it ever again and verbally denounce it. But I will *always* crave it. And even if I binged on chocolate to the point of nausea and therefore never wanted it again, it would not create in me an equivalent desire for liver and onions. Only a sovereign move of God can change me.

I think if it were just a matter of liking a food your wife could accept it and understand. But our sexuality is the *core* of our being. It is unlike any other part of our lives. I am sure she feels unimaginably betrayed. She had hoped for a "normal" marriage and was blindsided. You did not mean to hurt her, and you're intentions were absolutely the best. But it hasn't worked out.

Again, if what I'm saying is worthless then *please* discard it without guilt. If you have not done so yet, perhaps you should ask her forgiveness. Then perhaps you could ask her to gently and patiently *teach* you how to enjoy sex with her. Tell her you have no illusions that it will be easy, but you are willing to try if she is willing to work through it slowly and patiently and lovingly. Both of you should consider that it may take a *long time* and progress will be slow.

I will pray for you.

Blessings