Re: It's THE most difficult part...

...about being a BL. When our beloved YF's grow older and turn thier attention to thier peers and...gasp!...a girl friend. It happened with my YF and I think it will be something any of us will have to deal with if we are with our YF's long enough. But what will make it easier? I don't know, I guess all I can do is tell you what helped for me. When my "L" began to prefer the time he spent with his peers over the time he spent with me, man did I get sad. I thought there was something wrong with me, at first. But then I began to realise that he was getting to be a young teenager and that this was probably normal for a boy his age. I think it really started when he was around 13 years old, or so. He still wanted to spend time with me, but his friends slowly became very interesting to him. Yes, I took it personal for a while, probably the whole time if the truth be known. But I also tried really hard to put myself in his shoes and just let be what would be. It was both difficult and wonderful to watch him grow up at that time. We still loved one another and we were still very close, but the things we did together became different. The time we spent together got to be a little less, depending on whatever else he might have had going on. But we still spent a lot of time together. I guess when two people really love one another, that love will always find a way to express itself, no matter what. When he got to be a little older, however, and began to get interested in girls; now THAT was a whole different ball game. At first he wanted to ask me for all kinds of advise; which I was limmited in because I just didn't have a lot of knowledge in that area. Of course he got frustrated with me and I got scared because I thought our friendship was going to be hurt badly. I was wrong, thank God. Somehow he understood and we were still good friends, regardless. That was when I became friends with another BL who was a poster in this forum for a long time, until he passed away about four years ago I think. That was Andy, and he and I became very good friends for many years. He really helped me get through the times that I just couldn't understand what was going on with "L". THAT was what helped me more than anything. Having a BL friend who had been through what I was going through to write to when the confusing stuff was going on. Because it IS frustrating when you want to be with the little boy who gave you great, big hugs and almost worshiped the ground you walked on; but instead he all of a sudden has other plans, seemingly more important than being around you. It hurts! But you've got to realise that he is going through a normal phase of being a teenager, and that girls are a priority for him right now. Not that he feels any differently about you....he dosen't. He still loves you just as much as he ever did, I'm sure. It's just that right now he has something going on that just HAS to take more time on his schedule. I don't know how to put it any better. One thing I did with my "L" at this point in his life in order to be able to spend more time with him, was to get him interested in being a part in a band project. I had bought him a bass guitar and he was becoming a pretty good musician; so he became the bass player in the band I was organising. I don't know if this is something you might be interested in trying, but it worked for me. But who knows, with a little imagination you might just find something that you and your YF can do to be together a little more often. I think the best thing you can do right now is to come in here and unload when things get rough....just like you are right now. I will be praying for you! With Love in Christ, Chris