Re: My basic problem is...
Submitted by Rainboy on 2008-04-17 00:47:22, Thursday
In reply to My basic problem is... submitted by Cat on 2008-04-16 07:48:54, Wednesday
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Hi Cat, I am really sad for you that your wife is being so unyielding on this issue. If she were right, that would be one thing, but she's completely off track. She thinks as long as I accept myself as a BL that I'm choosing boys over her. She obviously has a mental block on this issue, and can't seem to see it from your perspective. Just a thought: can you possibly think of some non-sexual "problem" that you can use to illustrate your dilemma to her? Does she have any issue with her personality that is so "set" in her that she would probably never be able to change it, even if she tried? Some people struggle with chronic depression -- that's certainly not a choice. Now I realize it's quite different from what we struggle with, but if she could just have her eyes opened to how wrong she is on the "choice" thing, it might help. [I don't know; I'm just brainstorming a bit, hoping it might help.] I read Neil Anderson (because he thinks as my wife does and because he claims to have seen people delivered from 'bondage to homosexuality') and he says, Renounce your homosexuality as a lie and believe that as a new creature in Christ you can love a woman as you were created to do. So much of me wants to believe that this is true and possible... but experience, psychology and the multitude of the testimonies of the undelivered tell me otherwise. Surely we can't all have it wrong! I have read Neil Anderson's "The Bondage Breaker" (possibly the same book you're referencing). I think there is something to what he has to say, but it is only PART of the picture. There may well be some sort of spiritual "hook" that binds (some) people to homosexuality. And "renouncing" something like that would possibly be a very good idea. But, even if there is something like that, and it IS "renounced and removed", the underlying attractions will likely still remain. These attractions have become so much a part of our brain patterns, that it will take a miracle for them to fundamentally change. Still, I hold out hope that some degree of change might be possible for everyone, even if it's just one step on the Kinsey scale. [With God ANYTHING is possible, so I probably should have a lot more faith than I do. But, like most of us here, I haven't seem significant change thus far, and my faith (that I will suddenly become heterosexual) is low.] She said I need to hate that I was 'molested' as an 8 yo, see that it was horrible and grieve over it. But it wasn't horrible, it felt great. "Lord forgive me that I enjoyed it." I don't think you need feel any shame over having enjoyed the experience. You were 8! But, the fact remains that an adult took advantage of you, and whether or not you "feel" it was horrible, it WAS horrible (for any adult to do that to a child)! Surely you would agree with that, right? I pray that some positive change will take place in this very difficult situation. Continue trusting Him to lead you -- He is always Faithful! Blessings, Rainboy |
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