If you have a YF do you avoid or allow yourself to sexually fantaise about him?

I don't have a specific close young friend though I do have several teens that I like a lot and seek to help & mentor. I have fantasized about them in the past, and feel strongly that this is inappropriate. I feel even more strongly that it is more inappropriate if you are very close to just one, and a father-figure/older brother/mentor. It's very much the 'lusting is the same as adultery/sex' situation.


Can you avoid it?

Only by the grace of God. In my very down and 'hope-less' times I have just given up and go full throttle in the lust. Thank God that by His precious grace and enabling I don't need to do that any more.


Does it effect your relationship if you do fantasise about him?

YES. No matter how much we might try to justify it, we cannot in all honesty relate exactly the same if there are times we're on heat, tongues hanging out, drooling over our yf's. Come on, guys! We REALLY need to be brutally (ie lovingly) honest on this board, or what's the use?


If you can't avoid it does that mean you should abandon the relationship?

I feel if we can't avoid lusting, it's not only counterproductive but dangerous to continue the relationship, no matter how much we feel for him/them in their specific situations, however needy. What would Jesus have advised if one of the disciples had told him he had a close mentoring relationship with a neighbour boy but kept fantasising about him? . . .


if you are in love with someone you are bound to have some sexual chemistry with them

and that chemistry could well result in serious overheating! If we love a boy with sexual chemistry in action, we really need incredible wisdom. I for one know I can't keep control of myself adequately in that sort of situation with the hormones (among other things...!) rising. I'm afraid I think most of us are the same. That's why we're here looking for support. We need to 'flee immorality' and not hang around till it's too late.

Sorry for the strong line, but I've been dealing with all this for too many years to allow any of us to sweet-talk ourselves into slyly adjusting our beliefs and convictions to suit our (albeit incredibly potent) emotions.

Cat, I echo blazeofhope's prayers and love for you and your family at this horrible time.

With brotherly affection.

- Marty