his mum's gonna make the hourly drive.

it's not invalid. to me it's totally valid. if i die loving no one else...if my last thoughts are about him...i may no longer exist but my existence will have been about him and no one else.

anyway like i said i will see what happens after the summer. depending on circumstances i may do something or i may not. all i want is to be involved in his life and watch him grow up. if i cant have either then there is absolutely no point for me to still be around because i tired of life a long time ago and ive always been trying (and failing) to convince myself that it's worth living another day. i actually dont find it sad at all. i'd rather die when i feel loved and happy and on my own terms.