I don't want to be negative but you've already read that my interpretation of the apparent anti-gay scriptures is that they are against surrogacy (people who are by nature heterosexual using men or boys as a surrogate for unavailable women or as a kinky lustful diversion.) I believe that this is why one of the much-quoted Mosaic texts is right next to the text telling us not to have sex with animals. That is also a surrogacy.

For a person who is not heterosexual by nature to have heterosexual intercourse for socially convenient purposes is equally a surrogacy.

Like all moral literature the bible spends most of its time addressing the problems of typical or majority-type people, and some empathy is needed to transpose the same precepts to sexual minorities who are not spoken about.

Your going to your wife and using her as a live body when you're really thinking of a boy, to me, IS the sin of Leviticus 18:22 AND 18:23 (since she could just as easily be an animal for the purposes used) and as such, it is an abomination.

I wouldn't dare risk depressing you by saying this if I hadn't already read that you can feel it, that it makes you feel terrible.

The thing is, God is understanding and I am sure God is completely aware that you are trying to do something creative within the framework of fantasy between husband and wife. And as one saved through Jesus Christ, you are forgiven anyways. But there is no getting away from that awful feeling of touching the to'evah. The old testament wasn't written for nothing, and you are going to feel unclean every time you do it.