If you could just be the little boy, I would see that as the lesser of two evils, but as I read you, you're not really able to do that - you just keep thinking about the other boys.

I know exactly the situation because I've been there so often myself. Once after being in a psych hospital when I was seeing a non-Chr psychologist to help me with all this, I told him that I'd been trying to make love to my wife but couldn't come (prob. bacause of the antidepressants I was on), so switched to thinking about boys so I could come. Well, he absolutely LOST it at me. Stood up and screamed at me, on and on and on ... I could NOT believe it. I was terrified, humiliated, VIOLATED, ABUSED. It was SO unprofessional of him, still gives me the heebies thinking about it - and that was 12 years ago!

Anyway. No, I don't think God wants you to get off with her, thinking about boys. I really think if you could build on the 'be the boy' thing, that's probably the best for now. Sex between husband and wife is sposed to be a giving thing and a sharing thing between the two of you, so I do feel it's cheating on her to be thinking of the boys.

OK, out of left field - when you're not able to be with her, or if she keeps insisting on the 'you stay in the country for now' thing: what I try to do as much as possible (because I'm not getting ANY), is when I wank, just to try and enjoy the feeling and the sensations and take my time, do it outdoors s'where nice etc etc and as much as possible try not to fantasize about the boys. Usually not easy . . . But i don't have - and I guess no-one has - any smart answers.

For what it's worth, just another thought from the doctor side of me, and as the result of SO much therapy and reading etc: it'd be really important for as much pressure to be off you both when you're lovemaking. So, not to be rushed, to draw it out long, candle-light, romance, sensuously and slowly touching each other elsewhere first instead of a massive wham-bam-thank-ya-maam kinda thing.

I know it's not easy, buddy. Almost f'ing impossible. I know you're really trying to do the right thing - for you both, and before God - and your Father sees that so clearly too. My heart goes out to you SO much over the miles. I have SO been there, and my heart grieves and agonizes with you.

Love ya, bro.