WARNING: Graphic content to follow.


I was so horny yesterday. I've been abstaining for a few weeks (no fantasy, no wanking). I was so full, cum was leaking out of me every time I went to the toilet.

Temptation to wank and fantasise was getting out of control. I was looking at boys in the street with lust in my eyes.

I prayed, "Lord is it possible for me to resist this temptation? Help me."
Literally seconds after I prayed this a very sexy boy came and slumped down in the chair directly in front of me. He was less than a meter away. He didn't sit in his chair, he laid in it. And laid in it so that his whole body was stretched out showing off his mid drift just a crack.
I've seen this boy before and fancied him. But hadn't seen him for ages and wasn't expecting to ever see him again actually. So the novelty of a renewed pleasure was added to the experience.
He had a book with him which he laid on his crotch. As I was 'coveting' him :( he lifted his book which snagged on his shirt and revealed all his naked belly and uncovered his shorts and his very nice bulge.
Man was I feeling tempted!

So I go home that night and think... I need sex.
I start things with my wife... having a desire to honor the Lord and be faithful to my marriage.
I'm touching her and then pleasuring her... but its not doing anything for me... so invariably I start thinking about boys.
The goal my wife has asked me for is that if I must fantasise that I imagine that I'm the boy and that I'm with her. I try to do this, but other thoughts are swimming in my head and after the vision earlier in the day... its hard to stay in the boundaries.
I get very hot thinking about boys and since its been a while I know it won't take long to get me off.
Intercourse begins and my wife says 'fuck me little boy' and over the edge I go. She really is trying to be helpful.

Now I'm left feeling uncertain.
I know that it was boys I wanted to think about.
I went to my wife... trying to do what is 'right'... but it was the boy fantasy that got me off and I didn't stay within the boundaries and I want to have more sex with her so I can think about boys and get off.
I did start off trying to just enjoy her for her own sake and while that is enjoyable on one level its just not sexy to me.
Boy desires motivated me to have sex with her... but I have no other way that I can see. And I feel like I'm cheating.

Is this what God wants me to do????

Have mercy Lord
Cat.