So this is my first time visiting this forum and it is something that I had been seeking for years. I must say that I am a BL...if I even know what that really means anyways. As I grew up and moved around after my parents divorce I had various 'encounters' (not really sexual but they could be percieved that way) with other boys. I accepted Christ at an early age but truthfully I didn't accept the fact that it should change my life. I did many things that put me to shame. Two boys that I got naked with, not with any sexual drive at the time but I was just experimenting, when I was younger I met later in life when I was helping in a youth ministry and definitly felt scared of my life crashing down because of things I did in my youth. I am [edit] and many times have felt like things might turn for the worse since I have made some poor choices. I feel that I have heard every peice of scripture against homosexuality, have met Christian support groups for homosexuality, and have heard great lectures about it-BUT I still struggle with it so much. Truthfully I feel like I have just programmed myself to enjoy that stimulii of a young boy by looking at so much pornography. I have seen, sadly and ashamedly, any style of pornography out on the market, [edit]. I have searched for pornography in every major, and many minor, languages via google, yahoo, msn, ect. I have even spent whole days just looking at pornography throughout the day accompanied with masturbation. I have never actually had a YF or even a BF and act just as straight as any other person. What is amazingly sad is that I have cleaned up my life in every other way but my sexual life. I am even going to a Bible College and wanting to work with youth. Surprisingly I don't really feel attracted to boys that I help out with in my youth group but I have searched for many BL site or videos on the internet and limewire. A man Craig Gross has said that sin tends to lead us to places that we never thought we would go. Men, we have quite a battle. I am living proof that your life can look great on the outside but be corrupt on the inside if you don't let Christ renew your mind and seek out other guys to keep you accountable to staying clear of what you know will trip you up.

In Him,
Sanctified (I would use my real name but it would be really easy to find me online if I did)