You know, I don't understand some things.
Maybe its because I'm young and naive. Maybe it's not.
It seems like I am doomed to a life of lust and impurity.
Every time temptation beckons at me, prayer doesn't seem to work.
So must I physicly fight it off? No. Then *I* would be doing the work.

All the delicate ways that I deepen my grave, my apology pales.
Count the cost your fatal ways, nail the sculpture lust.

I have been so hor.. hormonal lately and its driving me nuts.
Last week I was struggling with lusting over my best friend.
Now its something else.
The closeness I used to have with other males, I want that again.
Almost like, I want to be stupid and sexplore and make my life tougher.
And tonight I was on the lower half of a 12 year old boy, and I haven't been there in a while.

And i just noticed how bad that sounded.
We where wrestling and somehow my head ended up near his lower half.
And I won't lie... I am a leg person, and he had good legs.
I enjoy touching people.

Anyway... I am tired of all this, I just want to be able to move on.
How am I too be able to teach Junior High School Boys later on in life If I can't get over this. I'm not limiting God to my stupidity but, you'd think I'd be over this.

I heard Him calling, setting fire to my soul.
Is this the voice i'll die for?

All I know is
hearing: 'pray about it'
just doesn't seem to be working. Not trying to bash God, just being honest.

Jesus came to establish a kingdom... and we gave him a church.*

All the delicate ways that I deepen our graves.