sorry i havent posted in forever. maybe most of u people dont even remember me. i stopped posting partly for security issues.

anyway, im posting now because i have some serious issues that i really dont think anyone other than a boylover can understand.

you see, there's this little boy that i love so much. i wouldnt hesitate for a second to adopt him, make him the sole purpose of my life, build him up, raise him, play with him every day, watch him grow, love and care for him...etc. typical boylover feelings right? oh and im pretty sure im like in the top list of people he likes/loves. he has a stepdad who's more of a boyfriend to the mum than a dad. he (the boy) never even talks about him...and i mean not a single time in the months ive known him. he tells me he loves me pretty much every day and well basically we are VERY close and have a very strong mutual bond. he has become the reason i get up nowadays. he's the one thing i can look forward to in life, the one thing i can say that my life has a purpose for, the one thing that showed me TRUE happiness.

fuck the world, he's moving. see in my fantasy world, i would be able to take him out even once a month to do stuff like going to the zoo. chance of that happening is pretty dead though in the real world. i barely know the mum...what am i supposed to do? hey i know we've only talked like 3 times before but can i take ur son out for whole days at a time cuz i really love him and wish he could be mine. (o yea he told me that he wished i could live with him and be with him everyday)

as of this moment i dont see much point in living. i know if i live on i will just forget him and he'll become just another memory. no fuck that. if i die now i die happy and loved. if i live i'll just be alive for the sole reason of just being alive.






looking for comments, suggestions please.