So last night I'm feeling aroused... trying to abstain from fantasy and wanking to boys.
I go to my wife and tell her. She says, "come to me".
Dreading it, I try.
Nothing. No arousal and then when arousal comes it because the boy thoughts are in my head so I push them away.
She sees I'm not getting anywhere so we stop and talk.
I tell her that unless I think of boys I just won't get aroused.
So we work out a compromise. As long as I imagine that I'm the boy and that I'm having sex with her she'll accept it.
So the boundary is that its still just her and me in the fantasy, but I can focus on the boy getting pleasured.
Not surprisingly, it works for me immediately.

I then take care of her and things seem to be ok.
We talk about my fantasy options and she starts to enjoy the idea of us pretending to be kids together. She's even talking role playing. One thing leads to another and we are at it again, this time I'm the boy (about 10 yo) and she's a little girl (slightly younger 8 or 9).
Trouble is that this boy is taking on the dominant roll and he's being aggressive about it. He's not hurting the girl, but he just wants to fuck her and then leave her. I found these feelings quite disturbing.
When I fantasise about the boy getting pleasured (usually by adult me)the fantasy is all tender and romantic and the focus in on making the boy feel good. But in this 'boy-pops-girl' fantasy the boy was taking his pleasure aggressively and with no concern for pleasuring the girl. It got me to orgasm but I didn't feel good after.
Surprisingly my wife LIKED the aggressiveness.

All the while the boy is crying in my head "why are you making me do this? I hate doing this!"

Today I feel exhausted, physically sick and worried.
Here's my wife being so accommodating and gracious and flexible and here's me wanting to run away as fast as I can and never come back.

God help me :(
Cat.