This is really a heroic account, Magnet55, and thanks and congratulations that you took the time and trouble.

Being given an unusual sexuality is never easy, but it seems that so far you have done nothing but good with your gift and I pray that you will be able to continue in that way.

Almost all fetishes seem "embarrassing and bizarre" and yours for ballbusting is the sort of thing that is -- well, how to say this? -- only embarrassing until everyone starts talking about what their fetish is, then it seems to fit into the mainstream somewhere.

It always seems especially problematic if there is some pain involved in a fetish, and yet, this is so common, because of the dynamics of how such things get started. All we can do is have a chuckle about the irony and learn to make the best of the thing.

Some boylovers have the good fortune to find a boyish person of legal age who can somehow capture the essence of their boy attractions and carry it forward in time. This has happened to me; I have been hot for the same boy for 30 years and no one else in our age group attracts me whatsoever. He is still basically a teen to me though intellectually I recognize that some years have happened to him. (He has stayed in good shape though, and that helps). And at some point I let him know what my fetish was and what do you know? He wasn't shocked but instead excited to find a new way to turn me on. So I don't know if that would work for you, but imagine perhaps an 18 yo (or 17 or 16 if you're in one of those states), maybe looking younger, who is willing to mimic having his balls crunched or even let you do it lightly. Well, who knows if this would work for you but just pray to God to show you if there is a right boy for you along these lines.

And as for mentoring younger boys, some BLs can just keep on doing that without ever doing things they regret. If you think you have the steel to keep hanging out with Derick and his possible successors without being led astray, ask the Lord for the grace to do it according to the might of God's love. I find that as long as you keep a real spirit-filled love at the forefront, many of the things your imagination would think it wanted to do, in moments of fantasy, become all but impossible in places where they would truly be inappropriate.