Hi Mason,

I'm glad you've made the decision not to have sex with your friend. I know it was a dificult one to make, but I think you will be glad you did it in the end. You asked me if I ever thought about or wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with "L", so I think this would be a good time to reply to your question. I assume you meant a sexual relationship, so I will reply with that in mind.

The answer to your question is absolutely yes! I have often wondered about what that would have been like. In retrospect I can see where he had made many tentative advances toward me, and I was either too naive at first or, later, convinced that celebacy was the right course, to do anything but refuse. But for sure, things could have been a lot different if I had said "yes" and went ahead with it. I remember one time we had just gotten done with a big, close hug and he looked me right in the eye and said, "I will do anything for you!". Believe me, I KNEW what he meant when he said that. So I have often thought about that particular statement and wondered what it might have been like had I not just smiled and got up to get a snack, not pretended I didn't know exactly what he was talking about. Boy have I spent some time wondering about that. I know it probably would have been exciting (REAL exciting) and wonderful and even quite sweet, and would have left me with some pretty wild memories, too. Believe me, I have had days when I would just kick myself for not going ahead with it.

Mason, you might not quite understand this right now, but I am so very glad that I never had sex with "L". Not only because of the legal implications, but because now, looking back, I can see that I made the right decision for a few good reasons. The first reason being that it just FEELS right to me. There is nothing eating at my conscience making me wonder if he is alright or if something is going to come back to "bite" me later. Yes, it could have been a great time, but those great times wouldn't have lasted for more than a few years, tops, but the nagging, questioning thoughts would last a lifetime. I have read stories about how a BL will have a sexual relationship with a boy and is just convinced that it was soooooo good and that it will always be that way in his mind; well, I know that my mind just dosen't work that way. To be honest, I don't personally know too many people who can HONESTLY say that thier's does either. Guys like to brag about sexual exploits, but I suspect that the real truth is far from what they brag about, especially when it comes to how they really feel about it.

The second reason is that I will always see our friendship as one that didn't have to go to the sexual realm in order to be very special for us. I knew we didn't need to have that in our relationship to make it "a little more special". It was great just the way it was. Every hug was heaven and every moment was irreplacable; we didn't NEED anything more to make it any better. How do you make the best even better? You can make it different, but not better. I'm not sure, but I think we both knew that in our hearts. When he would look me in the eye and tell me he loved me, man....it was so good! He really meant it, he DID love me (DOES love me, I hope), and I loved him so much, with ALL my heart. I just didn't see that having sex would make our love any better or even deeper than it was. I still don't. Do you ever do any cooking? One of my specialities is chili (in the winter...barbeque in the summer). When I was first coming up with my recipe for chili, I was adding all kinds of spices and peppers to the pot. But after a while I tasted it and made the decision that to add anything more would be a waste of time, that it was as good as it was going to get, period! Now I don't know if I have award-winning chili because I have never entered it in a contest (maybe someday I will...who knows), but I know that everyone who has ever had it really likes it, including the cook...me! So I think that relationships are a lot like my chili, you got to know when to stop adding stuff to them. You've got to know when they are as good as they are going to get.

I guess all the other reasons for not having sex with "L" kind of falls under all of those two main reasons. or come after them. Even the legal reasons, which are very strong reasons for sure. But I have no regret whatsoever about the decisions I made back then about that; none at all. I would do it the same way if I had the opportunity to do it all over. For that matter, I am celebate today and very happily so. I'm not saying that this is something that everyone should do, but for me it works out just fine. My personal oppinion, though, is that when it comes to having sex with boys that the law see's as being underage, the best thing to do is say, "No".

So I hope that answers your questions, Mason. God Bless.

With Love in Christ,
Chris