Dear Cat,

I thought the vow you took at mairrage was for better OR worse. I don't doubt your wife has needs that's hard for you to give, but too often, the Bible has been used to justify everything. According to the Bible, slavery is perfectly ok, but do we practice that anymore?

All I can give you is that there are people in the Bible who suffer as you have suffered. Paul, for example, was a murderer. He turned from his ways, but his temper was violent and often, he took it out on other people. He referred to it as a "thorn in his side", something of who he was remained with him. It was a sickness to him, a plague. 2 Corinthians 12, if you want to read.

In this, he prayed to God 3 times to take away that which ailed him. The jury is still out on whether this was a real illness, or, as interpreted here, a remnince of the way he was that was not changed.

Again, God's response to Paul was that Grace is sufficient, power is made strong when we are weak. I think that Grace are those moments when we need God the most, when we are most in need. You have been faithful to your wife. You can give her the act of what she needs, but not the passion. Where is the compromise? God's grace.

I hope it is something that you both can find comfort in. You cannot change who you are. God will not change you. You have gone to the point of wanting others to hurt you just becuase of somthing you can't change. The posts here, the advice of others, is also God's grace. I don't know what it would take to convince you that you have to accept nothing less, nothing more.

Take God's grace. Take those moments you find joy in. I don't know the extent of things, but I do know that, no matter what, you will still find bretheren among us, among your family of faith, and among your heavenly brother and father.

I think you put yourself through all this for your children more than anything. I know for them, everything needs to look ok. I know, for them, at all costs, it is best to stay with your wife and her demands. My resolve is that, God will give grace no matter what, whether a funny post, quality time with your kids, or a way to deal with your feelings.

Just remember Paul, who shared the Good News throughout the world, despite his thorn. We all have a thorn, and it is that which makes us rely on God and keep true to our calling to share the salvation we have despite our shortcomings.

I wish and pray God's peace for you. I hope you find God's grace sufficient for you. You are His son, and your hairs are numbered. In my case, that's a very small count, but being around boys does that to you as you get older.

In Him,
Oliver