I just wanted to tell everyone of the time I had with my YF last weekend.
Sort-of an update to the online diary I write here.

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BUT, firstly I need to ask for your input about something important.
I'm very afraid and confused, not sure what to do.

I've been getting hints that he wants to do something sexual with me.
Now before you think that I planted the idea in his head, or I'm taking a wrong sign; I need to explain.

I am sexually attracted to him, but I have NEVER showed any signs to him that I wanted anything sexual and never intended to.
And the physical affection I show him started long before these feelings.
I was company, a friend he could be comfortable with and talk to about anything.
But I'm afraid that he has taken this close relationship, and is searching for a sexual aspect of it.

He revealed to me a while ago that he had Bisexual feelings, but when I asked him if he wanted to talk about it, he became nervous and didn't wan to talk.
And last weekend, he asked for sexual favors but indirectly.
Basically; asking a serious question and pausing to wait for a response.
When I don't reply or keep talking about something else, he breaks into a nervous laugh.

As well as verbal signs, he has shown physical signs.
I am physically close to him, and have written about my experiences.

I hug and hold him often, and notice that if I place my hands around his sides, he will sit more angularly so my hands will slip lower.
It happened once before by accident watching a movie, and I noticed my hands had fallen to his pants-line, and pulled them away.
Now every-time I hold him, he sits at a sharper angle and pushes his back against me.

Also, I've found that if I sit next to him, usually he will hold my hand or place his hand on my upper thigh.
I've woken to find him stroking my face or his leg over me laying very close.

You may remember YF2, one of my brothers friends who stayed over and wouldn't leave my bed.
I discovered that my YF & YF2 shared the same bed in underpants one night at YF2's house recently.
I found this out by asking my YF what he did at YF2's house.
He must have assumed that YF2 broke the secret to me when he stayed at my house, and told me all about it.

YF2 was upset, and my YF comforted him the way I do.
By holding him, or sleeping with him.
The only difference; they were almost naked.

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The dilemma, is that I am afraid that I am encouraging the wrong behaviour.
My Young Friend may be associating my affection with sexual feelings he is now having.
It seems that he is in an experimental stage, and is beginning to show these feelings to people he is most comfortable with; me mainly.

I need to know what to do!

The obvious answer is to refuse any sexual advances; but my other side screams "DO IT, You could make a relationship from it, If you don't act now you'll lose the opportunity forever, You can finally find a perfect partner you love dearly".

The other factors is that it is illegal to have a sexual contact with someone under 18, especially a Gay one.
He is 15, and I am 18.
There are plenty of Over-18 guys going out with 15,16 year old girls; and no-one stops them.
And I'm sure there are plenty of Gay relationships that are similar.

If I do something sexual with him, two things can happen.

1- He will pull away from me and see all my physical affection as sexual.
I may lose him.
2- He will become much closer to me on a whole new level.


I know the right answer, but the wrong one is very tempting.
I feel like I've found a fork in the road, and don't know where to turn.

He wants to do it; I want to do it;
We can't do it?!

And for him: It could be an important step in his life.
It could even determine his sexuality, I don't want to hurt him or have him try to be someone he is not.

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I finally want to change the topic now, and give you a brief recount of last weekend.

Last weekend, I came home from work and found him at my house.
We played XBOX, my Brother went to bed; the usual set of events.

I held him, played with his hair.
The 'hand on my upper-thigh' incident occured.

Later that night, we both went to my room and watched a movie together in bed.
And before we went to sleep, He decided to play some computer games as I held him and rested my head on his shoulder.
I was keeping him warm, he laughed.

During the time in my room, we talked about a lot of things.
And this was the time he started asking the sexual favor questions.
I reacted negatively to them to make it seem like a joke, to save him any embarrassment.

Shortly after this, he chose to sleep on the couch, and I didn't object.

Even though I am having sexual feelings towards him, I deny them all.
And if he suggested anything sexual, I would instantly refuse them.
Well, until this point anyway.

He went home, and he called me that night to talk.
Kept talking about sexual things, asking me questions about things he is unsure of.
He and my Brother are looking for casual work, and I am helping them write their Resumés.

Overall, I had a great time just because I got to see him.
He wont be able to visit me for another two weekends, because he is busy with assignments and family.
He still has his girlfriend, but usually he complains about her whenever I ask how she is going.

I can't wait to see him next; I'm ready to cancel work even.

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Thankyou for reading.
If you managed to read everything I wrote, THANKYOU.
I write a lot, because here is the only place I can explain my true feelings.

I just hope the things I write don't bore anyone, and that they aren't falling on deaf-ears.

- Mason