I don't really agree with her about the habit thing... otherwise I should technically have some attraction to her after years of habitual sex with her.

To me it comes down to a question of choice.

Can I (by my actions or thoughts or prayer or any other means) choose to be attracted to/aroused by her [and not focus on boy thoughts during sex].

This is the fundamental question I believe and I said so to her.

Blessings
Cat.