Hi again Rainboy.

Yes, it's been really great to talk about these things! You seem almost a mirror image of me and its extremely helpful to talk to you. Thank you. I chose "hurting_guy " because I have hurt more often than not on this issue in the sense that its a hunger that's never satisfied.

I did want to clarify a few things.

As I said in very first posting several months ago, I will never accept that what I presently feel is OK. My conscience and my faith will never permit me to accept that the feelings I have are not over the line. If I simply had an unusually strong desire to minister to boys I could accept it, but my feelings are out of bounds. In the shades of grey my feelings are just too black.

You said you are attracted to the innocence of these boys. I was not sure if you meant moral purity or the bliss of youthful ignorance. If you meant moral purity, I agree! If you meant youthful bliss, I myself as a boy could not escape that fast enough!

I was not simply in need of having my maleness affirmed. There was an overabundance of well-meaning guys who would have done that, however misplaced. What I desperately wanted and needed was to have my sexuality affirmed; not my sexual orientation, but simply my sexuality! Please forgive me if this too graphic, but I had my first orgasm at 11 years of age. That moment is burned into my mind as the #2 event of my entire life, (the #1 being when I met Jesus as my Savior and Lord). How I wish I could have had a guy in my life to talk with, who would have said to me, "Awesome dude, you're not a little boy anymore! And things are just going to get better!" I craved to be affirmed that what I felt and desired was OK, that I was normal and that it was OK to *enjoy* what I was thinking and feeling.

You asked about my family and faith. I was raised in a 2-parent home with siblings of both sexes. No major trauma of any kind that I ever remember. I became a Christian at about 11 years old, i.e. I sold out to Jesus Christ and have loved Him and lived for Him ever since. He is my Savior and my Lord and my best friend and the most important thing in my life.

What about you?

Blessings back to you