Ok, I have read as much as I can of the posts involved with the certain threads started by myself and Rainboy. What a great mix of ideas and different attitudes. Among the posts I really appreciated were two that I have to mention; the post by CSL and the more recent one by Robert-I. Thank you to both of you for such interesting reading. They both explained a lot to me.

A BL friend of mine (...ahem, Deliverance...) has told me a few times that my own experience with having a YF is probably like one in a million. But because my own experience is all I have to work with, along with whatever I read and see in the news, etc., I guess I am somewhat limited in what I can say. But here is what I think about the whole issue of having a YF.

I like Rainboy's thinking, up to a point, in that we must have some kind of personal rules in what we do and how we behave around children; or for us, boys. It is important because we need to be able to live with ourselves and we must live within society safely. So it seems to me that these rules may be different from one BL to the next. Some may have no problem with having many YF's, having them stay overnight, snuggling with them for long periods of time, or even letting them sleep in the same bed with them. To be honest, I did all of these things, except have many YF's...I had only one. A few of these things bothered me at first, but because "L" was so insistant on doing them, eventually I caved in. Of course, a few of them weren't difficult to cave in on..."Oh please, DON'T twist my arm! Ok, you can sleep with me." I did feel somewhat guilty about doing that at first, but because all we ever did was sleep or cuddle, I thought, "What the heck...what's the harm." And, to tell you the truth, there really was no harm. Which is why I also loved what CSL wrote about the whole subject of love.

So I guess my whole theory about having a YF begins with this...

I think it's probably best if a person lets God set the whole thing up to begin with. That is pretty much what I did because I wasn't even looking for a YF when I met "L" and we hit it off. In fact, I even went so far as to try to stop the whole thing a couple of times. But when I talked to his Mom she wouldn't have it. Then her father sat me down one day and grilled me about my intentions with his grandson; but in the end we became friends and he loved the whole idea. It was for those reasons and a few others that I knew after a while that my relationship with "L" HAD to be something created by God. It just couldn't have come about or survived any other way. That's why I don't look around for a YF, which is my own personal kind of rule. I believe that if God wants me to have one, he will make it so. He has done this once already in my life, very beautifully, and so I know He can do so again if He wants. I leave it up to His wisdom to know what is best for me.

And if I ever do have another YF, what about all the other stuff? Well, all I can say is that "L" and I did what we did with each other, and he turned out to be an excellent person and a heterosexual too. Believe me, I know he is completely heterosexual because he lived in a room right above mine for a while and he used to bring his girl friends up there in the evenings. The ceiling/floor didn't block out sounds very well, if you know what I mean. I beleive he had a real need to be very close to a man whom he trusted and loved very much when he was young. He himself picked the man he felt would be the best person for the job; I just happened to be the one he picked. Again, he didn't have to twist my arm at all! He loved being very close to me and I loved it too. And yes, I was tempted many times to be sexual with him, but that is where my own set of personal rules came in. I knew that our relationship must have been something that God set up, so I promised Him and myself that I woiuld always do whatever it took to keep things non-sexual. I beleive it was God who gave me the strength to be able to do this. That kind of strength couldn't have come from anywhere else. If He gives you a thing to do, He will equipt you to do it. It wasn't easy, but it was a lot of fun!

"L" and I were friends for around nine years and we would be today if things hadn't happened the way they did and he felt the need to move away without telling me where he was going. It has taken me a long time to get over that because I still love him dearly and he will always have a blessed place in my heart. But I will always treasure the time we spent together; I will never regret any of it. For better or worse, it was the most special time of my (and I hope, his) life. THE most special! I would never change a thing about it, either, if I had it to do over. Maybe I mad some mistakes, but they were honest mistakes. But I might do things differently if it all happened nowadays just because society is so much more uptight and I have a police record and all. Perhaps it will never be able to happen for me again, I don't know. That is up to God. But if it does, then I will let my heart and love determine how I will treat the whole relationship; let faith in God be my guide. I think that works best, even though I am a falable human and can make mistakes. I think God is big enough to handle our mistakes.

So that's how I feel about having a YF. I hope someone else can get something good from my experience.

With Love in Christ,
Chris