OMG! (Oh My Goodness!) I didn't expect anything more in response than a simple, "glad you enjoyed what I posted". Something wonderfully and spiritually strange is happening here, because I am feeling things I have longed to feel for so long. I feel like someone else understands; REALLY understands where I am. I feel like I'm not alone! I know God can and will work through any means that He chooses, and I am so glad He is doing that for me now. Thank you so much for sharing!

Let me preface this by saying there has been a lot of discussion on these forums about exactly what does BL mean. It seems a futile exercise, much like trying to define "love". Instead let me just lay out what I know of myself. I have absolutely zero interest in prepubescent boys beyond what any usual person would have, so I therefore don't call myself a BL. I also have zero interest in "men", i.e. strong, athletic, burly masculine men. In that sense I do not consider myself gay.

I have a passionate interest in pubescent boys and very young men. The attractive element of their lives is the WONDER of discovery! I have an unending fixation with the process of "coming into their own". I think perhaps its because I felt so alone during my pubescent years, like I was navigating life all alone with no one with whom I could be totally "naked" (metaphorically speaking). I longed to have someone with whom I could talk about my emerging sexuality, someone with whom I could speak completely openly and unashamed and who would AFFIRM all that I was feeling and desiring as a young man of 13 who desperately wanted to leave childhood and be free to enjoy my newfound thoughts and desires of adulthood. Someone who would not try to tell me to "make childhood last", but rather who would say to me "God has given you a wonderful gift and He has decided to do it at 13, not at 18". Someone who would not tell me that the only way to stay on the moral path was to suppress and repress my sexuality, but rather someone who would affirm my sexuality and tell me, "man, you have something AWESOME to look forward to when you're married, and you are completely free to begin looking forward to that day NOW!"

OMG, only this very moment as I am typing this do I realize that I was feeling SO JEALOUS of my classmates and other boys whom I saw as having stepped into their manhood, into their own lives that were theirs and none others, and I was feeling left behind or repressed! ANGER!!!!!!!! I didn't want to be a little boy! I wanted to be the new sexual being that God had decided I could be at 13!!!!!!!!!! Why did it seem that other guys my age were free to enjoy (in their minds and souls) their newfound sexuality but I could not! Why did I feel like other people so enslaved me to a childhood that I desperately wanted to escape?!

I'm sorry but that rant was spontaneous and unexpected. I didn't know I felt that way.

Anyway, thanks for being a listening ear