This is the transcript from a recent chat session giving you all an update on how things are going with my wife. I don't have internet at home at the moment... so my time to post is VERY limited. I do keep reading all you guys are writing and wish I could join in some more.

As ever you are all in my prayers.
Welcome Rainboy! I've especially been enjoying your posts.

Ok... here's the transcript:
"bottom line is I basically said to my wife... I'm not straight... I'm not going to try anymore to be straight... but I want to be with you and am willing to participate sexually for the sake of our marriage even if I'm not interested.
I told her I'll try and avoid fantasy... but that I wasn't going to be able to do it completely and that I also needed some room in my life for some non-sexual interactions with boys
and she agreed
I'm still going to counseling to work on my feelings of straight sex making me feel nauseous
We've had some sex play a couple of times since this discussion and I basically just pleasure her while thinking of other things and when she's wanted intercourse I imagine that I'm a boy on her and focus on the boy's body... it seems to work... though its not that exciting for me.

I also said to her I still don't know how to handle my own arousal.
I've been using masturbation.... I'm thinking I'll probably keep doing that.

Its kinda an "open" marriage... without there being any "real-life" extra partners on my part

She don't want me looking sexually at boys at all but she's happy to leave that struggle between me and God.

She says "as long as you have something for me" which I don't ... not really.... but I can still give her sexual affection. Only time will tell if its enough for her. She's still hoping for the impossible... well not the impossible... the miracle.
I'm not.
I've quit it.
I am what I am.
If God intends to change me its up to Him.

I still question the whole "is it ok to masturbate" thing
but I feel its better than where I go if I don't."
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Now since that conversation there's been another development.
My wife says if I keep wanking to boys she's not going to stay with me.
EEP!

Don't know what to do with that.
On one hand is sounds all godly and reasonable... on the other hand it sounds... impossible.
I mean, I might be able to give up wanking... but not thinking about boys during sex... oh I feel a bit nauseous again.

I will talk this over with her some more and find out just what she's expecting. One thing's for sure... I'm not making any promises I can't deliver on. She has to accept me as a BL or not at all.

Blessings
Cat.