Hi Dude

Hope you've figured something already by now, Chappy, with all the wise comments coming in so far. Sooner or later you're going to find someone here you can really relate to (I know I did, because I've always felt alone with my "situation" and coming here meant I found someone on my wavelength after not too many days.)

"It is not good for a man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him". That's not just the marriage thing it's talking about, it's life in general. The LORD does provide us helpers in whatever situations we find ourselves and coming here may be the first step for you with your "whole business". Maybe finding a "helper" will start here.

Coupla things:

YOU ARE NOT DAMNED. If you were it would be because the Holy Spirit had left you and He hasn't. If He had, you wouldn't worry about it. (Read that again if you need to - it took me a while.) As long as we worry about our relationship with the LORD we are proving we still have one.

Secondly: God does not look at you and see a dirty minded little kiddie fiddler. I used to think that way and it took a long time to shake, but the truth is God looks upon you and sees Jesus Christ, the Holy and Righteous Son of God. That is the whole message of the cross. (Read that 30 or 40 times if you need to. Speak it out loud. Declare it. Proclaim it.) For I am convinced that neither life nor death, angels nor demons, principalities nor powers, nor immoral thoughts involving children can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus.

Did Jesus die so that we could get into heaven by being less bad?
No, otherwise we'd all still fail. In sin did my mother conceive me, and I'm not going to be perfected until I see Him face to face.
But as it is, Christ died once for all to put away the need for sacrifice / penance / works or anything else anyone may tell you are necessary for salvation.

"you have to live a Godly life to be a Christian"
"you have to stop sinning"
"you have to have control of your thoughts and keep from impurity"

"You have to this, you have to that...

ALL FALSE. Desireable maybe, but you don't have to DO anything to be saved. Christ has done it ALL for you.

If you're saved, you're saved and nothing can take that away. If you've repented - not once, because we all soon fall back, but again and again - (I believe the greek translation tells us that repentance is continual) - then His grace is sufficient for you.

Finally, for what it's worth, I love you. You're my brother and I feel your pain. Posts like yours make me weep (not the weak wimpy tears of the world but the strong empathy and sharing tears of hurt that Jesus himself shed for his friends. You, Chappy, are of infinite value and infinite worth, so don't let the enemy tell you otherwise.

God bless you

EMPIRE