As a newbie around here you may not have heard my full story Bri,

I have been married for almost 20 years. My wife knew I was a BL when we married, but I also led her to believe I was attracted to her.

I spent many years lying to her about my sexuality, telling her I was getting better when in reality I wasn't.

A few years ago I confessed to her. This confession has included an admission on my part that every time we have had sex over the course of our marriage I've had to fantasise about boys to get it happening.

Meanwhile I'd composed for her a prolific amount of poetry and romantic gestures such that she was devastated to learn that in reality I had virtually no sexual feelings for her whatsoever, and worse now... the idea of sexing with her without the fantasy seems to make me feel sick and anxious.

Naturally she was devastated by my deception. For her the real problem is not that I'm BL, but that I'm not attracted to her AND that I lied to her for so long.

She is making a huge effort to accept things as they are, but I always remember that she has suffered a huge loss and she needs time to grieve it and readjust. This is going to take us some time.

Overall I found your words here very encouraging... especially the end section about loving someone who's not perfect. I think both my wife and I are trying to do that with each other. It's proving very difficult.

Blessings
Cat.