I do not admire your wife. She seems like she does not try very hard to understand your needs as a person. She is way too concerned about getting sex from you when she knows you don't even enjoy it. She only adds dilemma when it comes to your role as a boy lover. She wants you to give up a major part of who you are just so she can be more satisfied. And honestly, she seems to treat you like a pushover! If what she wants is love, for God's sake she has it, just look at yourself going way out of your way and fussing about trying to please her! She thinks she has it so tough for her but where is her compassion for you? I see this as a typical woman playing the victim case when really you are the one who is the victim. Do not let her make you feel like you are inadaquate in any way because of you being who you are. She's married to a gay man, has it dawned on her yet? Either she accepts it and loves you the way you are, or she will just decide to be miserable. But do not be miserable just because she is. You don't deserve to be ashamed or embarassed of yourself for enjoying things as simple as playing a little tag, or for something as heavy as not being attracted to her in the way she is for you, because that's just who you are. And God knows it that you sure put in a hell of a lot more effort than a lot of us would! It seems like its killing you though, so stop wearing yourself out so much, and just keep talking to her. Make her understand that if you were to change everything about you just so you would be perfectly suited for her, you would not be the same man she fell in love with. The fact that you have learned to love a WOMAN even though you are gay, doesn't that tell her she must be really extraordinary in your eyes? Anyone can love someone who is perfect, loving an ideal takes no effort at all. True love is accepting someone who's not perfect, who has flaws, who makes mistakes, who is not 100 percent ideal... and you just get over it because you are able to see beyond that, and see all of the good. Love is sticking with a person even when it's tough...