The answer to your question dear friend, is "everything"

The bad, the good, your family, your friends.

Mark 10:
21Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
22At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

...

29 "I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel
30will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.
31But many who are first will be last, and the last first."

No. I am not suggesting that you leave your family. Nor am I going to tell you to sell your house and live in the street.

But the message is this. Your possessions, people in your life and you attraction... Do they have a greater hold on your heart than does Christ.

We are told that we cannot serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.

For me, that realization came not long ago. I have spoken with you about it. So many things have happened in my life, and they are still in the process of happening. But Cat... it doesn't matter. Nothing matters in this life except for Christ. This isn't our home, though we are forced to live here. Our home is in heaven.

You have become bogged down in regret for what cannot be. And don't tell me you have not, because I see in you, the exact place I was a few years ago. Depression, a growing hopelessness, a desire to be loved and love who you want to love. An anger at society (and possibly God) for not being able to accept that love. Those are all places I have been. That road is worn smooth with travel, but the end is a pit of despair.

You are committed to your wife, and that is great. And you say you want what God's will is. What is it that your heart wants? Does it want to serve an earthly master so that you can sometimes have good feelings? Or does it truly wish to serve the Lord. You need to find out what really matters to you. If it is Christ, then you will have to be willing to give up everything in His name. God doesn't require that you HAVE to give everything up, but you should be ready in your heart to do just that.

Only Christ matters. Everything else is just a distraction.