Okay, well this doesn't have to do with lung cancer... really.

I have told my story many times.
When I was eleven, I was shown porn by my 13 year old friend, and we began sexploration, then, I branched off and sexplored with another friend of mine.

It went on into the 9th grade. Then he laid down the law. And we quit.
He wanted to, quit.

So we did.

Now I am a senior, I am almost 18, and he -IS-.

Last Tuesday, I don't even know what happened, one minute we where talking about video games, and the next we where giving each other hand jobs.

It was 3 years ago, and it feels like we never quit.

I am quite confused by this all, and I am in serious doubt of it happening, and it did.

He acts like it never happened.
We still socialize normally and get along great.

And I am so afraid to talk about it with him, I have been talking about it with another friend of mine, and I think I am afraid of him saying we screwed up.

I don't want that, or at least the human part of me.

I have sexual lung cancer think about it.

People get lung cancer.
They are going to die.
So they quit smoking.
But why?
The quit because, well they are dying.
Not because they don't enjoy smoking.

You get where I am going with this?
I love doing it.
I am a person who wants comfort, warmth and sense of intamicy.
But I in -NO WAY- think its okay, the only reason I want to quit is because I know it may kill me later.

Its already killing me now.
I haven't stopped thinking about it.

I don't want to stop hanging around him.
We are so close, and we trust each other so much.

Oh I need strength.