I'm a C of E Brit. (That's Church of England to you other worlders.) My folks (who live over there) reckon the Episcopal Church is the nearest thing you've got to it over there.

Do I feel "happy" with my orientation? NO. I can understand people who want to say yes to that and cannot condemn anyone BUT, since folks on this forum agree that having sex with boys is wrong under any circumstances (or am I wrong to assume everyone feels that?) therefore an orientation which leads to those kinds of feelings has got to be wrong too. Sorry if you disagree anyone. I accept who I am but I cannot be happy in an abberant* sexuality. Consider this:

I'm a kleptomaniac and all I want to do is steal although I know it's wrong. I abstain, knowing it's wrong. Should I be happy that my orientation is towards theft rather than respect for others' property? Of course not -- even though there may be good feelings derived from it or from fantasising about it without actually stealing, it's still a fallen part of my nature.

I'm addicted to tobacco. Even if I quit and never have another smoke I know I'm an addict, one stick away from going the whole hog again. I accept that the behaviour is wrong** so I don't do it. Am I happy that I'm an addict? NO. I'd rather not be, (then I might be able to enjoy the odd smoke without the risks of it accelerating into a problem habit again).

Now substitute any addiction, compulsion, or anything else which you consider not Godly. All can be judged that way, so tell me, are you really "happy" with the orientation, whatever it may be, or are you just accepting yourself for who you are, with all your faults, and allowing God to use you despite them, even turning them to his advantage where possible? This latter course is far more biblical. You can love yourself without being happy about how you feel about some things.

As to praying to be changed. We will all be changed and perfected on the day of Christ (all who love him anyway) meanwhile we "work out our salvation with fear and trembling" not expecting much (is that the problem?) and changing very little. If you're abstaining anyway, what's to change? The temptation? Sounds like you're asking the devil to change his was of temptating you to something else instead - I don't reckon that's going to happen.

Finally, nice to know you feel you've had an interesting life, William. I do too, although I'm only in my 40s. I enjoy life, I enjoy my job (teaching high school), I enjoy my family and love my wife a great deal, though it's not physically satisfying for me.

Hope this sparks some debate / discussion / argument. I live for it, that's why I like kids - the buggers'll argue with you over ANYTHING!

God bless all

EMPIRE


* spelling?
** I believe it's wrong to smoke - arguments invited